Blinkers are a Sign of Weakness
Blinkers are a sign of weakness. As a general rule, it’s none of your business which way I’m going. You’ll know I’m slowing down when you see my break lights, that’s enough safety for you, and all the other busybodies who think I need to give even more of a signal as to my own private plans. Why does the whole world need to know I’m making a turn? “Just letting you know, I’m turning left.” Who cares? If you’re truly concerned with where I’m headed, most of the time you’ll be able to tell which way I’m turning by the lane I’m in or the way my car is pointed. I just don’t see your need for any more information than that. There are only three occasions when you really need the blinker: when you’re cutting someone off at a dangerously close distance, when someone you’ve agreed to let follow you is following you, and when there are cops around. All three of these instances are times when you need to compromise your individual integrity and communicate with someone in another car. This need is rock solid proof of your weakness.
Here’s the situation. You’re on the highway in the second lane, there’s a nearly solid line of cars in the right lane and your exit is fast approaching. What do you do? Do you miss your exit, drive five miles down the road to the next off ramp and double back? Not likely. You cut in front of the first available ten foot opening between cars. If you’re going to cut into a ten foot space and slow down to get off the highway, this is a bit dangerous, so really you should give them as much warning as possible. What you are saying with your blinker is “please don’t hit me”. You are communicating the fact that you are a poor planner and need to rely on his benevolence (or at least his desire to go about his day without an accident) in order to make up for your shortcomings. You need something from this person you’re cutting off. You screwed up and now you have to tell the world with a little flashing yellow light.
Another seemingly meritorious blinker instance is external communication for the sake of fulfilling an informal agreement. A “friend” is following you because you know where you are going and they do not. This character is relying on you to get them where they need to be. You’ve entered into some kind of social contract where you are now responsible for getting this car behind you to a shared destination. You couldn’t properly explain the directions, or your car is too small to fit everyone inside. Either way, this agreement of reliance and responsibility is a sign of your weakness. Why do you have to be accountable for someone else’s destination? Can’t they figure it out on their own? Couldn’t you have figured out a better way to help, one that doesn’t involve allowing yourself to be put in a position where your driving is now dependent on the car (or cars) behind you? It’s no longer a car that you’re driving, it’s a train. You’ve taken your car and turned it into a train. The car’s very nature is independence, this role is something it was not designed to do. You’ve conceded that the only way to reach your goal is to make more work for yourself and take on a responsibility that could end badly, what if you get lost? Why are you so weak?
For the pragmatic, this final situation is unavoidable. You pull up to an intersection in the left lane. Straight ahead about twenty feet off the ground you see the blinking-red left-arrow stoplight. There is a six-foot, white, left-pointing arrow, painted on the pavement under your car, and an identical one just behind it. Pretty clear what’s going on here, you’re turning left, right? Just then, out of the corner of your eye you see a dark blue Crown Victoria with blue lights on the roof. You turn your head to confirm that it is a cop, and not some dick with a ski rack. Confirmed, it’s a cop alright. What do you do? You fight every instinct in your body and press the directional down to indicate a left turn. Even the black Maxima will use his blinker in this situation. You’d be a fool not to. To do otherwise would greatly increase your risk of being pulled over, and we don’t need that. Every once in a while you get into a position where you are forced to obey the laws of the land lest you get an expensive ticket. You are caught, and you must capitulate. Surrendering to obey an illogical law makes you week. You are telling everyone in the intersection that your principles are for sale. You have bowed to an oppressive government that enforces rules long after they have become outdated. A man with true integrity (and a lot of free time) would make the turn without the blinker, get pulled over, fight the case before a judge explaining why there was no need for a blinker in that particular situation, but he’d lose. So then the man of integrity would take his case to his senator or congressman. He’d try this case in the media and get the laws of the land changed for the good of all humanity, the only real losers would be the blinker manufacturers. But this would be a tough sell. We’ve been using blinkers unnecessarily for so long that we’ve stopped questioning it. For more on this phenomenon read Shirley Jackson’s short story titled The Lottery.
If you haven’t already been shouting AMEN while reading this chapter, I hope you’ve seen the light and are now awakening from your slumber to ask “Isn’t there anything I can use these factory installed blinkers for”? After all, I have not one, but two of them for Christ's sake. Well, take heart, because I have found a use for them. Both uses unfortunately involve someone you know driving behind you, so you can’t use them all the time, but something is better than nothing, right? OK, here you go. Use number one, humor. Lets pretend that you’re driving to work. You get right up to the access road of your company, get in the left hand turn lane (as indicated by the blinking-red left-arrow stoplight, and the aforementioned white arrow) and all of a sudden, you see Peter from Marketing in your rear view mirror. Instead of waving to him like a fool, or ignoring him like a jerk, try putting on your blinker, not to indicate that you are turning left, but that you are turning right! Then turn left anyways. Genius. This little chuckle will make Peter’s morning, and prove you to be a man with a sense of humor in his eyes. Use number two: spite. You’ve put yourself in a position where someone is following you. They are relying on you to get them where they need to go. Regardless of our previous discussion, you’ve gone and done it again. I don’t know, maybe your wife made you do it, how would I know why you are so weak? Either way, someone is following you and you’ve come to the part of the trip where you are on a long straight stretch of road. Put your blinker on, it doesn’t matter which way, just put it on and leave it on for as long as you can stand it. Try to change lanes frequently. And whatever you do, do not turn that blinker off. He’ll be thinking “man that’s annoying, why doesn’t he turn his blinker off”. And that’s your little jab back at the person who has put you in this leadership position you so desperately wanted to avoid. There you have it, humor, and spite. Are there really any other reasons for getting out of bed in the morning?
